There’s balance in the world. With every great heart-lifting moment, there is an event that will test our faith. For Sam, there was rarely any doubt. She was as unmoving as an ancient oak. For that reason, I knew there was a strong possibility that, wherever she was, she was okay. But still I couldn’t help but worry. It’s hard to keep the bad thoughts from bubbling to the surface.
The nightmares got worse the night after I bought what I needed for the Summoning. In my dream, Sam’s voice was the only thing I could hear but I couldn’t understand what she was saying. I was frozen in her doorway and everything was deep blue like I was looking through a light filter. I felt like there was someone with me but I couldn’t turn my head to see who it was.
When I snapped my eyes open, I couldn’t move my body. I was frozen in my bed, staring at the ceiling. I tried picking up my body but it felt cemented to my pillow. I tried to bend my knees but they were locked in place. I started to hyperventilate. My body was not working.
Why wasn’t my body working?
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something darker than the darkness of my room. It was a humanoid figure in the corner of my room facing me.
I tried to scream, I tried to sit up, I tried to do anything I could but I was paralyzed, watching while the figure closed in on my bed. Tears poured out of my eyes. I tried to form a sound in my mouth but my jaw felt wired shut. I was breathing so hard I thought I was going to pass out. I was almost hoping that I would. The figure became clearer as it moved closer, my heart pounding into my ears. It had long dark hair draped over its shoulders, black holes for eyes, and a cloaked arm outstretched toward me.
Finally, I used up every bit of strength in my body and let out a guttural scream and the figure vanished. I shot up in my bed and tried to slow my breathing. I checked the clock. It said 3:03 am. Now more than ever, I wished Sam was still across the hall. The impending anniversary of her disappearance was truly starting to get to me.
***
The morning Sam went missing, I was pulling into work when I got a call from her. I picked up, but there was nothing on the other end.
“You must be on mute,” I had said. “Hang on, I’ll try to call you.”
I did just that. I hung up the call and redialed. Except this time, the phone didn’t ring. It went straight to voicemail.
I texted, Call me when your phone is back on. Xoxo.
It was a year today and I still hadn’t deleted that message. I couldn’t bring myself to. It came up as a green message, showing that Sam’s phone was off and not on iMessage.
I’ve texted her a few times since then, always hoping that it will send and that comforting “read” receipt will show up, but they’re always green.
The investigation had been out of the news for a while now, but today I found myself scrolling through the local news websites looking for something new.
I was supposed to be reaching out to sponsors for our clients today, but I just couldn’t focus. I had the Apophyllite stone burning a hole in my pocket.
At home in Sam’s room, I had the altar set up the way the website told me to. Candle in the middle of a thin layer of white wood ask. I was supposed to be “charging” the stone all day to place in the ash when I got home.
I kept scrolling through articles about Sam. I couldn’t look at the words “ongoing investigation” one more time. I was turning into a crazed animal with only the hunt on my mind.
Tonight I needed answers. I knew that, but still I was scared. Partially because I didn’t know what I would do if it didn’t work, but almost more because I didn’t know what I would do if it did.
***
On the drive home I was lucky I didn’t crash. I don’t remember pulling into my driveway. I just remember putting the key into my door and walking into the apartment.
I opened the closet door and froze. I felt something brush against me. There was only silence, but I didn’t feel like I was alone. I looked down the hall to see it empty.
Inside Sam’s room, I was shocked to see the candle lit and, in the ash, it looked like someone used their finger to trace a small X.
I quickly scanned the room but there were physical no signs of anyone being in there with me. The bed was untouched, windows were shut, and the closet door was wide open and empty.
I sat down and looked at the X. Without thinking and as if being guided to do so, I reached into my pocket and placed the Apophyllite on it. It wasn’t even a second before I felt like my right shoulder had been stuck in a freezer. I looked at it, but it appeared normal.
My stomach dropped with dread. That this could be Sam. Sam might be dead. I dropped my head and I saw, written in the ash OK.
“What?” I croaked. “What does that mean? Is Sam okay?”
The candle flickered as if responding.
“I still don’t know what that means.” I said to the candle, my eyes stinging with tears. “Where is Sam?”
The candle didn’t respond. I wiped the tears from my cheeks and stared at the ash. It still said OK. I sighed. The air from my mouth slightly distorting the letters. I couldn’t form a thought in my head. I just stared at the ash. I had to focus on breathing because I knew if I thought too hard about what was happening, I would lose my mind.
It felt like an hour that I sat there. I couldn’t keep the thoughts at bay for long. These weren’t answers. This was not what I wanted. I didn’t know what I was expecting. Did I think I would get GPS directions to Sam?
“Where the hell is she?!” Neither the candle nor the ash responded.
In a fury, I turned to storm out of the room. I let out a loud scream when I saw someone right in front of me. There, in the doorway, was Sam. But she looked different. She had a strange blue glow to her.
“Sam?!” she looked at me and smiled.
I watched her silently glide toward my altar. She sat gingerly and I knelt beside her, but not close enough to touch. I was shaking so hard.
She looked down at the ash and put her index finger in it. She began to trace letters.
My eyes were stuck on her. I took in how her hair draped around her ear and down her neck and how she still scrunched her nose up when she was writing.
She tilted her head toward me as she finished tracing in the ash. I looked into her eyes. My neck pulsed with my heartbeat. I didn’t want to look away, I was scared to look away. Her eyes were so beautiful and sad. I had spent so many years looking into those eyes, divulging my deepest secrets and sharing my triumphs. I didn’t want to do it, but I tore my eyes away and looked into the ash.
LAKE HUTT
I pictured that Lake where we would sometimes go when we just needed to get away.
“Is that why you called me?”
She nodded.
“Is that where you are?”
Again, she nodded. Her eyes looked so filled with pity for me.
“Did you drown?”
She scowled at me in return and firmly shook her head.
“Someone killed you.” It wasn’t a question.
Sam’s eyes went soft again. She bowed her head.
I couldn’t hold it in. I cried and screamed until my throat was sore and my lungs were burning. My right shoulder went to ice again but I wouldn’t look to see. My sobs blew the candle out and made a mess of the ash.
Sam was gone. My best friend was dead.
I grabbed the green stone and chucked it hard into the wall then collapsed on the ground, still sobbing.
I must have fallen asleep there on Sam’s floor because next I knew, it was morning and every joint in my body was stiff. I felt completely an utterly by myself.
***
That morning, I sent an anonymous tip to the police department and Sam’s body was discovered later that week.
The titles in the news went from “Local Girl Missing” to “Body of Missing Woman Found”.
News vans swarmed my house shortly thereafter. I couldn’t leave the house without microphones and cameras shoved in my face.
One morning, I threw the my hood over my face and ran to my car. I got caught in a sea of questions from eager reporters.
“Who do you think did it?”
“What do you know about Sam’s murder?”
“Did you have anything to do with Sam’s death?” I spun around to face who had just said that.
She was a blonde reporter with terrible highlights and a puffy black microphone jammed in my face. She looked at me hopefully.
I wound my arm to deck her in the face when suddenly my arm went to ice. I dropped my hand to my side and turned to look over my shoulder. All I saw was sidewalk behind me, but my hand was still ice. I stayed like that for a moment, thinking of nothing but Sam. She was there, I just knew.
Fly with Time 