Pain in this life is unavoidable. I recently said to my dad that there is always something in life that’s going to keep you unsettled. I’m sure you know that feeling. There’s always some chaos, big or small. I know that there are going to be moments where I have all my ducks in a row, but they’ll waddle off in time.
I’ve been telling myself not to wish away the pain because avoiding it just amplifies it. It’s easier to let yourself feel everything. Yeah, it sucks, but it’s temporary. It’s also a little bit beautiful. It’s a human experience.
Whether you believe in a divine or not, I think we can all agree that our circumstances have the potential to make us stronger and shape us. I think it’s all meant to be. Regardless of outcome in your predicament, I think that everything is laid out in front of you as a means to either build you into a better person or lead you to something you’ve always wanted to find.
Some people handle these obstacles and detours so well and do a lot of the right things, but some people make mistakes. I’ve made a bunch lately and I’ve felt the consequences.
You can lose yourself in your mistakes. I’m learning how to find myself again. It has involved a lot of release of guilt and letting myself feel apologetic to other people as well as myself.
You learn a lot when you’re sleep-deprived (which I currently am). You learn that some emotions aren’t relevant. They’re just happening because you’re tired and you need to recognize them as a feeling as opposed to a real emotion. Apathy is something I feel when I’m tired and I know I’m not apathetic, I just need to sleep.
Getting up in the morning can be brutal. It’s when you’re the softest and most vulnerable to the relevant things going on in your head and your heart. At the same time, mornings can also be great. In the morning, I know exactly how I feel about a situation. You’re not clouded by a whole day’s worth of thoughts. It’s like you wake up and your emotions are instinctual. You get to sort out a lot in the morning. That’s a big step on the road to healing.
I’ll offer advice I’m comfortable giving out. My yucky emotions lead me to feel lost and it took me a bit to realize that I wasn’t being myself. I finally decided to choose myself. My advice here is that when you have pain, it might be good to shut out the noise and just choose yourself. Could be as simple as picking where you meet someone for lunch. Could be dedicating a whole weekend to being unabashedly your own person. Whatever it is, if it’s healthy, do it.
I need space to heal and return to my own self. I haven’t given myself that and it really does not make anything better. Filling your time with other people and things is fine in moderation, but you still need space to be on your own and pluck through the good and the bad and find out how this detour is going to guide you. For me, it starts here. Publicly sharing my lows so that I can hold myself accountable for the rebuild that is on its way. I owe myself that.
Until next time,
Julia
Fly with Time 