Searching for Sam Part One

It’s been almost a year to the day since I’ve had my phone ring and Sam’s name last showed up on the screen. I miss her. Not knowing what happened to her that day makes missing her worse. Was she killed? Did she leave us for good? Is she somewhere in the world missing me?

It was the thirst for answers that sent me out in the hailstorm that October day to The Awakened Spirit to collect materials for what a website called Shared Spiritual Awakening described as a Summoning. It was sheer desperation that let me ignore my deeply rooted, Catholic-based fear of witchcraft.

As I drove closer to the shore by the creek, I ignored the hammering in my chest. I was reminded of the time I saw a pretty leather book called Magic at a bookstore and asked my mom if I could have it. She took one look at it and went pale. I won’t forget the way she said, “Messing with things like that will only make the Devil stronger.” Now here I was, pulling up to a little boutique that had pentagons and red candles displayed in the windows.

I stepped out of my car into the hail. I kept my head down to keep from being pelted in the face, and rushed quickly towards the doors so I couldn’t change my mind.
As I pushed through the doors, I was immediately hit by the smell of incense. I pulled my hood off and took it all in. There were baskets of crystals in every hue. Hanging from the walls were paintings of bare chested women. In the back of the shop, there was a tie dye blanket acting as a makeshift wall. From behind it, a wiry looking woman poked her head around and smiled tightly at me.

“Let me know if you need help,” she said.

I went to take a step toward her and stumbled over something that darted between my feet. I looked down and saw a skinny gray cat with no tail doing figure eights between my legs.

“Thanks,” I said. And scurried to a corner of the shop that made me less visible to her penetrating gaze. The tailless cat followed close by.

I tried to gather what I needed as quickly as possible. I found a tall, white candle on the nearest shelf. I sifted through the baskets of crystals until I found what was called Apophyllite, which was a light green clustered rock.

I was in a rush to get out of the store. Between the watchful gaze of the woman from behind the counter, the smell of patchouli, and the tailless cat trailing my every move, I was getting anxious. Except, I had searched the place high and low and I couldn’t find the last thing on my list, white ash. I had no idea what the hell white ash is, but I figured if I was going to find it somewhere, it would be here.

I knelt down to get a closer look at a row of packages under the white sage bundles. There was loose white sage leaves, mug wort leaves, and twine for hand-making smudge sticks, but no white ash.

I stood up to leave and turned on my heel. Suddenly, I was face-to-face with the gray haired shop owner.

“I think you’re looking for this,” she handed me a small pouch labeled “white wood ash”.

“How did you-”

“I can sense a lost soul,” she said. “Take it. I want you to find her. And I think this will help.”

Before I could say thank you, or even inhale, she walked to the back of the store and disappeared behind the tie dye wall. I stood there stunned for a moment and when spots started to cloud my vision, I finally took a deep breath and walked toward the door.

The hail was even heavier now, but I barely noticed as I stepped into the lot, unlocked my car door, and stepped in. I shut the door and stared at the steering wheel, searching for the logical response to what just happened. How did she know? Was it even possible? It must be possible because she knew.